Redefining elopements: What they look like, what they mean, and why you might love them more
Let’s take this back a bit. Maybe you got engaged a year ago or a few months ago. You’ve been dreaming up your big, huge wedding: the venue, the decor, the guest list.
And then the unprecedented happened: a pandemic. Who would have thought?!
I sure didn’t, and I bet you didn’t either. Let’s face it: Covid-19 has been a HUGE BUMMER to weddings in 2020.
Around mid-march of this year, I started to see weddings unravel. “Social distancing” and “quarantine” and “flattening the curve” suddenly became common nomenclature - and what did these buzzwords mean for those long-planned weddings and events? It was a sad time for my clients and a difficult time for the wedding industry as a whole.
I spent many days talking to my brides and grooms just trying to be a source of help and a shoulder to lean on when the uncertainty set in. Once we could talk through the sadness and disappointment, we put our thinking caps on. We got back to basics. First, the question arose of if it was possible to still have a wedding. If that was feasible, it needed to be small. Since it needed to be small, that meant all of the original plans changed - so we started brainstorming. “What are your favorite places, your favorite foods, you favorite anything?” I asked, hoping to conjure up sparks and ideas to maintain a semblance of a wedding. Something joyful and hopeful, centered around the union.
For some, they knew in their heart of hearts they wanted the big, traditional wedding they planned, so postponement was the best option.
For others, the wheels started turning and they decided to change course all together. That course? To elope. Lightbulbs went off. New ideas formed. Creativity surged. Possibilities emerged that we never before imagined.
But “elope”? What does that mean for you? Is it for you? Does it mean running away?! That word holds a lot of connotations, so hear me out.
Yes, you can still get married. Yes, you can still have your most perfect wedding day. You can even still have loved ones there, no matter what the world looks like. But what if the wedding day looked a bit differently than your original Wedding Board 2020 on Pinterest? What if it didn’t fit into the traditional mold or schedule or layout, but actually allowed you to do more, have more, and be fully intentional to and representative of all that you love? What if you eloped?
There’s been a major shift in the wedding industry over the past few years regarding the definition of elope. In the past, we all imagined a couple covertly running away into the night to secretly marry in a small town courthouse. “We’ll let our folks know later,” they would say. Or we picture Monica and Chandler almost saying “I do” in a rhinestone-studded Vegas chapel (thank goodness that didn’t happen, amiright?!).
Over the past few years, I’ve received more and more inquiries from couples looking for photo coverage for everything from a vow renewal at the river to a family wedding in the bride’s childhood home.
an elopement is a purposefully intimate wedding day that refocuses the event from expectations to freedom, while being fully intentional in celebrating the couple, their love, and all that matters most in the world to them.
Elopements, intimate weddings, family weddings, whatever you want to call it, look different for everyone and that’s the beauty of them. There’s no single cookie cutter approach.
hey, are you ragging on big weddings?!
No way! I’m a proponent of all weddings, all shapes, and all sizes. I’ve been shooting traditional weddings for 5 years, and they hold a special place in my heart. They’re intentional and wonderful too. But we are in a time where people, even if they’re not needing to, are wanting to think outside of the box. It’s like we’ve all been shaken up a bit. You see, large, formal weddings tend to fall under a scheduled organization/timeline for the day. Not all the time, but typically. There’s a particular order of events because you’re working with a venue, time restrictions, and making sure guests are taken care of. I wholeheartedly believe we should open our hearts to positive, hopeful possibilities outside of the traditional model and realize that they can be just as amazing.
elopement misconceptions
We seem to grasp the “casual” elopement - maybe a sundress or jeans, a quick ceremony at the courthouse, and call it a day. That is a totally legitimate, valuable wedding - it’s all about the love, y’all, more than anything else. I’ve photographed weddings like this and they’re some of my favorites to date. I think I’m a laidback gal, so I’m all about this laidback vibe.
But there is a misconception that elopements or small weddings have to be short, quick, and to the point. That’s all good, for sure! But if the desire of your heart is to see particular dreams come true, meanwhile you feel like: 1) A big wedding isn’t for you. 2) You’re uncertain about the future. 3) You aren’t worried about the future but you’re just kind of over it with cancellations, then an elopement-style wedding may be for you!
The beauty of elopements/intimate weddings is that because you’re saving on other naturally occurring expenses from a larger wedding, you can reallocate funds to personal details that you value. You can even keep some of the “traditional” wedding details!
You can still hire a hair and makeup artist and wear your favorite dress.
You can invite no guests, 30* guests, or immediate family only.
You can share a vow exchange on the 2-mile hike where you had your first date, or publicly proclaim your commitment
during a backyard family ceremony.You can take photos at your favorite brewery with your dogs and then enjoy a prepared chef’s dinner at a gorgeous Airbnb just the two of you.
Or you can just keep it SUPER SIMPLE, if that represents YOU!
*NOTE: 30 tends to be the standard maximum guest number for small, elopement-style/intimate weddings. It seems to be a commonly-agreed upon number accommodating for smaller spaces like yards or Airbnbs, while not being so big that it’s difficult to corral/move everyone place to place, since elopements/intimate weddings are usually more fluid in terms of the day’s events. Obviously, it’s not set in stone, just recommended.
Seriously, dream it up, and it can happen. Is it unconventional? Maybe. Is it any less of a wedding? Definitely not.
Whether it’s a change from your traditional wedding plans or you never planned a traditional wedding from the start, don’t sell your plans short. Because your one wedding is YOUR one wedding. An elopement is no less valid or real or true so long as it encompasses authenticity. The center of the wedding day is that it brings everything back to basics: your union.
Let’s discuss a few elopement misconceptions:
MISCONCEPTION #1: ELOPEMENTS ARE PLANNED ON A WHIM.
Elopements are actually incredibly purposeful. Each hour of the day is organized and structured so that it has meaning to you. They’re a full day wedding event - NOT a photo shoot and NOT exhausting. It’s your sacred day, but structured in a way that feels true to the two of you (see above!)
MISCONCEPTION #2: FRIENDS AND FAMILY AREN’T INVITED.
Again, the redefinition here is that the day can look any way that you want it to look. Want just the two of you? Great! Want to include family and friends?! Awesome! These small, intimate weddings are usually up to 30 guests.
MISCONCEPTION #3: THERE’S NO FORMAL VENUE, SO THERE’S NO ROOM FOR A CAKE OR A NICE DINNER.
If you’re having family and friends, you can reserve a dining room at a nice restaurant or host a meal at someone’s home. You could hire a private chef for the group, or just the two of you! Creativity makes the world go round.
MISCONCEPTION #4: IT’S NOT A FULL DAY EVENT LIKE A TRADITIONAL WEDDING.
I’m a believer that no matter the size of the wedding, it should be a full day. Why? Because you would be surprised at how quickly the time goes! And if you’re choosing to refocus your wedding into an intimate ceremony or elopement-type event, you may find there are actually more things you want to do. All-in-all, it’s an important, monumental day that deserves top-notch celebration.
so what could this day look like?
Let’s break down the events of a traditional questions, and I’ll pose some some questions/thoughts for your consideration to see how this might be a possibility for you.
getting ready
Do you want to get ready at your house? A booked an Airbnb doubling as the honeymoon suite? A hotel? Maybe you want to spend the morning together, drinking coffee, taking it slow, and enjoying some room service? Wow. That sounds pretty good, right?
Do you want a hair and makeup artist, or do you prefer to do your own? Maybe you decide to open letters to one another at this time. Your photographer can capture all of your details too: your dress, jewelry, perfume. Do you want someone there to help you get ready, or do you want some quiet before the day?
What a great morning!
FIRST LOOK
If you want to reserve a special moment to see each other all dressed up, this is a great time to acquire the help and organization of your photographer. He or she will find a lovely location, for just the two of you (or maybe you have one picked out!) to see each other for the “first time.”
PHOTOS/ADventure!
Dream up all the places that are meaningful to you, and map out a plan with your photographer. Are you adventurous to your core and want to hike Taft Point for sunset portraits and a vow exchange (yep, a dress and hiking boots - it’s a thing!)? What about driving to all of your favorite local spots? Maybe you decide a simple picnic in the park seems suiting since that’s where the other proposed. Maybe you want to stay in one place all day - your home, your parents’ home, or your ‘Bnb. See how it’s all possible now?
NAP TIME
Seriously. We can put that in the schedule.
Ceremony
Dreaming of a sunrise ceremony? Sunset at Max Patch with a celebratory champagne pop? Is it just the two of you, or do you have a family friend putting some chairs out by the lake for the family in attendance? Where is meaningful to you?
Dinner/reception
Do you want family and friends there for a lovely catered dinner? Or maybe you want a private chef to cook up your favorite meal at the ‘Bnb.
TRADITIONS
Elopements do not mean traditions are forgotten. You can incorporate any special touches just as you would on a “traditional” wedding day. If you decide on a small elopement, you can have family and friends write you letters to open together. Maybe you want to have your bouquet wrapped in your grandma’s handkerchief. You can wear your mom’s perfume or her veil. It’s all about the details that matter to you.
really, it’s all about what matters to you
In 2020, we’ve come to embrace elopements as more than just running away together; they’re small weddings, intimate weddings, family weddings, or all of the above. Why has the definition changed? I’m not sure, but I’ll take it. But since language is ever-changing, the meaning of “elopement” has evolved too. It’s important to understand that these are not spontaneous events. They’re intentional, coordinated, and carefully designed to fit within the scope of what the couple values; just like a big, full wedding day with 200 guests.
I hope that you won’t give up on your wedding dreams, even if 2020 turned out to sort of be a bummer. Pandemic or no pandemic, let’s unBUM!
Thinking about going this route? Shoot me a line and I’d love to help you.
